When working with survivors of intimate partner violence, understanding patterns that perpetuate abuse becomes necessary. The cycle of abuse provides a framework for recognizing these dynamics and supporting clients in breaking free.

Therapists who identify the four distinct stages of the cycle can help survivors make sense of their experiences and better understand their trauma. This education allows clients to navigate their healing journey with greater clarity and self-compassion.

In this article, we'll thoroughly explore the cycle of abuse, examining its clinical applications and offering strategies for supporting survivor safety and recovery. Whether you're an experienced clinician or just beginning, knowing this cycle is a valuable tool in your therapeutic toolkit.

The Four Stages of the Cycle of Abuse

The Cycle of Abuse, created by Lenore Walker, describes a repeating pattern that may occur in abusive relationships. While the details vary from person to person, many survivors recognize these general stages in their experiences. Understanding the cycle can help make sense of the confusion, fear, and hope that often accompany abuse—and why it can be so difficult to leave.

1. Tension-Building Stage

During this stage, strain and unease start to build in the relationship.

• Common survivor experiences: Clients may describe feeling anxious, on edge, or like they’re “walking on eggshells.” There may be frequent arguments, criticism, or controlling behavior. Survivors often blame themselves and work harder to keep the peace.

2. Incident Stage (Abuse Episode)

This is when the abusive behavior escalates into an overt act of harm.

• Common survivor experiences: Abuse may come in different forms, including physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, or financial. Clients may report feeling overwhelmed, afraid, frozen, or dissociated. Some struggle to recall exactly what happened, especially if the episode was traumatic or confusing.

3. Reconciliation / Honeymoon Stage

After the abuse, there may be an attempt to repair or minimize the damage.

• Common survivor experiences: The person perpetrating abuse might apologize, offer gifts, or promise to change. Survivors often describe feeling relieved, hopeful, or conflicted. Some may question their memory of the incident or feel pressure to forgive.

4. Calm Stage

A period of relative peace or stability follows.

• Common survivor experiences: The relationship may feel more stable, and life may seem to return to “normal.” Survivors might describe this time as emotionally confusing—feeling safe one moment, and uncertain the next. The absence of conflict can make it harder to leave, especially if this calm reinforces emotional attachment or practical dependence.

Importantly, the Calm Stage often leads back into the Tension-Building Stage, highlighting how abuse can become a repeating cycle unless interrupted with support and intervention.

Recognizing these stages can help survivors and clinicians understand the emotional complexity of abusive dynamics—and begin exploring pathways toward safety, clarity, and healing.

The History of the Cycle of Abuse

The Cycle of Abuse, developed by psychologist Lenore E. Walker in the late 1970s, emerged from her groundbreaking research with survivors of domestic violence. Based on interviews with over 1,500 women in shelter settings, Walker identified a recurring pattern in abusive relationships, which she described in her seminal book The Battered Woman (1979). The original model consisted of three stages: tension-building, acute battering, and honeymoon. This framework helped illustrate the cyclical and often escalating nature of abuse, challenging the then-common perception that domestic violence was random or isolated. Walker’s work played a foundational role in the development of modern domestic violence advocacy and intervention strategies.

Over time, the model has been both widely adopted and critically examined. Many practitioners have expanded on Walker’s original framework to include a fourth stage: calm, or have reframed the “honeymoon” phase to emphasize manipulation, minimization, or intermittent reinforcement. Critics have noted that not all abusive relationships follow a predictable cycle, and that the model may not capture the complexity of psychological, sexual, or financial abuse, especially in non-physical or non-intimate partner contexts. Nevertheless, the Cycle of Abuse remains a key conceptual tool in understanding the dynamics of coercive control, and it continues to inform education, safety planning, and clinical work with survivors.

Clinical Signs of the Cycle of Abuse in Therapy

As a therapist, it’s important to spot signs of the cycle of abuse in your clients' experiences to provide effective support, help them understand their relationship patterns, and ensure their safety. Pay close attention to behavioral and narrative cues in your clients' storytelling that may indicate the presence of an abusive dynamic:

• Ambivalence, guilt, or minimization: Clients may express conflicting feelings about their abusive partner, often defending their behavior, justifying the abuse, or blaming themselves. This ambivalence can signal emotional manipulation and control by the abuser.
• Inconsistent affect: Depending on the stage of the abuse cycle, clients may display confusion, relief, or shame when discussing their relationship. These inconsistent emotional responses can indicate the psychological impact of the abuse.
• Physical signs: Be observant of any visible bruises, marks, or signs of pain that might suggest physical abuse. Clients may hesitate to explain these injuries or provide unlikely explanations for them.
• Withdrawal and isolation: Clients experiencing abuse may withdraw from social interactions and relationships, becoming increasingly dependent on their abusive partner. This isolation is a common tactic used by abusers to maintain control.
• Mental health concerns: Abuse often coincides with the development or worsening of mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, or substance abuse. These conditions can serve as both a result and a sign of ongoing abuse.

When you identify these or other clinical signs in therapy sessions, make sure to document them thoroughly in your session notes to track patterns over time. Consider meeting with clients individually, even in the context of couples therapy, to gather more information and ensure their safety. Recognizing these signs and understanding the dynamics of the abuse cycle can help you provide more targeted, effective support to your clients as they navigate these complex situations.

The Role of Psychoeducation in Breaking the Cycle

Psychoeducation is vital in helping survivors understand and break free from the cycle of abuse. The Cycle of Abuse Wheel serves as a powerful visual and emotional validation tool, allowing clients to recognize patterns and dynamics within their abusive relationships.

Introducing the Cycle of Abuse Wheel in therapy sessions can help:

• Normalize the cyclical nature of abuse: Survivors often feel isolated and ashamed, believing their experiences are unique. The wheel helps them understand that abuse follows predictable patterns, and they are not alone in their struggles.
• Highlight the abuser's responsibility: The wheel illustrates that abuse is a choice made by the abuser, not a result of the survivor's actions. This understanding can alleviate feelings of self-blame and guilt.
• Affirm the survivor's experiences: Seeing their own experiences reflected in the wheel can be a powerful validating moment for survivors. It confirms that what they've endured is indeed abuse and that their feelings are valid.
• Prepare for safety planning: Understanding the cycle of abuse helps survivors anticipate and prepare for potential escalations in violence. This knowledge is key for developing comprehensive safety plans.

When using the Cycle of Abuse Wheel in therapy, it's important to:

• Create a safe, non-judgmental space: Ensure that clients feel comfortable sharing their experiences without fear of blame or criticism.
• Follow the client's pace: Some survivors may readily recognize their experiences in the wheel, while others may need more time to process. Follow their lead and avoid pushing for immediate insights or acceptance.
• Stress the possibility of breaking the cycle: While the wheel depicts a repeating pattern, emphasize that it is possible to break free from this cycle with support, resources, and a well-crafted safety plan. Consider linking the client to survivor support groups where they can hear from others who have been in similar situations and gotten out.

Safety Planning and Risk Assessment

Working closely to create personalized safety plans is very important when supporting survivors of abuse. These plans should be tailored to the individual's specific situation and the particular dynamics of their abusive relationship, considering the different phases of the abuse cycle, types of abuse the client is experiencing, and other factors, such as immigration status, financial well-being, and if they have dependents.

• Assess risk during escalation: Collaborate with clients to identify warning signs and triggers that may indicate an impending abusive incident. Help them develop strategies to reduce risk during these times, such as using a code word to communicate with trusted individuals to call for help or finding safe areas within the home.
• Plan for the reconciliation phase: Understand that the honeymoon period can be particularly risky, as survivors may feel a false sense of hope and downplay the abuse. Encourage clients to identify that this is also a part of the Cycle of Abuse, to keep their safety plan active even during this phase, and to reach out for support if needed.
• Identify support networks: Assist clients in building a network of trusted friends, family, community members, or neighbors who can offer emotional support and practical help when needed. Ensure that these individuals know about the client's safety plan and understand how to respond in an emergency.
• Prepare essential items: Advise  clients to prepare a bag with necessary items such as money, house and car keys, important documents, medication, and a change of clothes. This bag should be stored in a place where their partner will not find it, which may mean with a neighbor. This should be a safe, easily accessible location in case the client needs to leave quickly.
• Document carefully: Encourage the client to keep detailed records of their experiences, including any injuries, threats, or incidents of abuse. Prioritize the client's safety and confidentiality when documenting, ensuring that records remain secure and private.

Keep in mind that leaving an abusive relationship can be the most dangerous time for survivors. Make sure to inform clients of this as well.

Work closely with clients to create a comprehensive plan for safety and provide additional supportive resources for exiting the relationship if and when they indicate they are ready to do so. This may  include finding a safe place to stay, securing financial resources, and engaging with domestic violence advocates for specialized support. By equipping clients with personalized safety plans and resources, therapists can play a key role in helping survivors navigate the complex dynamics of the abuse cycle and work towards a safer, healthier future.

Special Populations and Clinical Nuance

When working with diverse populations, it's important to consider the unique cultural, social, and economic contexts that shape their experiences of abuse. Adjusting your therapeutic approach to meet these specific needs can greatly support your clients' healing and empowerment.

Consider these nuances when working with:

• Adolescents in dating violence: Young people may struggle to recognize abusive patterns, especially if they've grown up witnessing unhealthy relationships. Use age-appropriate language and examples when discussing the cycle of abuse, and emphasize the importance of setting boundaries and seeking support.
• LGBTQ+ clients facing abuse: LGBTQ+ survivors often encounter unique challenges, such as the fear of being "outed" by their abuser or facing discrimination when seeking help. Be mindful of these concerns and provide affirming, non-judgmental support. Connect clients with LGBTQ+-specific resources and support groups when possible.
• Immigrant clients with limited resources or systemic fears: Immigrant survivors may face language barriers, cultural stigma, and fears of deportation or separation from their children. Provide multilingual resources and work closely with community organizations to ensure clients have access to safe, culturally sensitive support. Be prepared to advocate for your client's rights and protections.

Across all populations, practicing cultural humility is important. Recognize the intersectionality of abuse dynamics, and how factors such as race, ethnicity, socioeconomic status, and ability can compound the challenges survivors face. Continuously educate yourself on the specific cultural contexts of the communities you serve, and collaborate with cultural leaders to provide the most effective, sensitive support possible.

Therapist Self-Awareness and Ethical Practice

When working with survivors of abuse, therapists need to stay highly aware of their own emotional responses and potential countertransference reactions. The intense and often disturbing nature of abuse disclosures can evoke strong feelings, such as horror, sympathy, or even revulsion. To effectively support clients and maintain a healthy therapeutic relationship, therapists should:

• Stay mindful and self-aware: Regularly check in with your own emotions and reactions, both during and after sessions. Recognize when you may be experiencing countertransference and take steps to process and manage these feelings.
• Seek consultation and support: Engage in regular consultation with colleagues or supervisors who have expertise in working with abuse survivors. Participate in peer support groups to process emotions and develop strategies for maintaining a healthy therapeutic relationship.
• Clarify your role as a therapist: Focus on empowering and supporting your clients, not making decisions for them. Maintain clear boundaries and avoid becoming overly involved or directive in your clients' choices.
• Collaborate with other professionals: Work closely with legal, medical, and advocacy systems when necessary to ensure your clients receive comprehensive support. However, be mindful of your own role and expertise, and refer clients to specialists when appropriate.
• Empower client autonomy, even in difficult choices: Respect the client’s right to make their own decisions, including the decision to stay in an abusive relationship. Rather than pressuring or persuading, focus on providing information, emotional support, and safety planning while honoring the client’s pace and perspective. 
• Take care of yourself: Engaging in regular self-care practices, such as exercise, mindfulness, and leisure activities, can help you manage the emotional demands of working with abuse survivors and prevent vicarious trauma.

Managing countertransference is an ongoing process that requires self-reflection, support, and a commitment to ethical practice. Prioritizing your own well-being and maintaining clear boundaries ultimately allows you to provide the best possible care for your clients as they navigate the complex dynamics of the abuse cycle.

Conclusion: Helping Clients Recognize, Name, and Shift the Cycle

The Cycle of Abuse Wheel goes beyond being just a diagram—it's a meaningful tool for regaining control and supporting survivors in their healing journey. When therapists use this model effectively, they can help clients:

• Identify abusive patterns: The wheel provides a clear, visual depiction of the phases of abuse, enabling clients to pinpoint and articulate their experiences. This identification is an important first step in breaking free from the cycle.
• Affirm their experiences: Seeing the cycle of abuse laid out can affirm survivors' experiences, confirming that what they've endured is indeed abuse and that they are not alone in their struggles. This affirmation can help alleviate feelings of self-blame and shame.
• Comprehend the dynamics of abuse: The wheel demonstrates how abuse results from the abuser's choices, not the survivor's actions. This comprehension can help clients shift blame and responsibility back to the abuser, empowering them to make changes.
• Prepare for safety and healing: Understanding the cycle of abuse allows clients to anticipate and prepare for potential escalations in violence. Therapists can use this insight to guide clients in developing detailed safety plans and accessing resources for support.

When employing the Cycle of Abuse Wheel in therapy, it's important to approach the process with empathy, pacing, and a trauma-informed perspective. Recognize that each client's journey is unique, and allow them to process insights at their own speed. Use the model not just for understanding, but as a pathway to healing and autonomy, empowering clients to make informed choices about their relationships and well-being.

Ultimately, the Cycle of Abuse Wheel is a helpful tool for assisting clients in recognizing, naming, and shifting the dynamics of abusive relationships. Therapists who grasp and effectively use this model can play a significant role in supporting survivors as they break free from the cycle of abuse and regain their power.